A letter to myself at 14

I've been teaching middle school long enough to want to travel back in time to give my 14 year-old self some advice...even if I would have rolled my eyes at it then.

My family. Circa 1990

Dear 14 year-old self,

You do not have the coolest jeans, your shirt was bought on a clearance rack, your grandma picked out your shoes, and your Wet 'n' Wild makeup was $0.99 at KMart. This feels like it matters so much right now. It won't always. Really. Wear a smile. Pick up your chin. Your confidence should not come from a price tag.

Find an adult you trust who is not your parent -- a youth group leader, coach, camp counselor. Look to their example. Ask hard questions.

Work hard. At school, at home, at your first job -- even if it's just babysitting the neighbors or planting strawberries in the greenhouse. It's not uncool to care. Work ethic will matter. Now and later. 

It's okay to be interested in the things your teachers are saying. Be curious, be open, enjoy the chance to learn something. Someday you will find yourself watching the History Channel on Saturday night and wonder why you didn't pay more attention in class. (And even if you are bored, it's okay to just nod and smile at your teacher once in awhile. It can be brutal and lonely up there.)

Be nice. Yup -- even to that snotty girl who seems like she doesn't see you.  Plato said, "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."  Your classmates are working very hard to pretend they are okay. Most of them are not. 

You are not super popular. Be thankful. It's harder to walk that tightrope than to keep your feet on the ground.

Hug your grandma. Let your grandpa kiss you. Afford them some of the grace you have been given over the years.  You will really miss them someday.

Your husband is not looking for you yet. And he's not nearly ready for you anyway. Make good friends. Have sleepovers, whisper late into the night, take crazy pictures, laugh often.

You think you've got everything figured out. Someday you'll realize that you don't -- and that you like that better.