...how quiet the house is in the middle of the night. And how cold it is outside the warmth of my bed. And how bright the lights are when I must turn them on to change a diaper. Those groggy moments can sometimes be a surprising blessing -- just me and the baby in the quiet. (As long as he falls back to sleep after nursing...)
...how tricky post-pregnancy body image stuff is. My son was drawing a picture of our family the other day and stopped when he got to me and asked, "Is your stomach still big?" Tim warned him that he may not want to ask such questions of women in the future. It's hard to have that baby, and yet still look about 22 weeks pregnant. Standing in front of the closet, searching for some "in-between" clothes that are kind to the stomach is difficult. Wearing maternity jeans for weeks after you planned to throw them in the garbage is difficult. Being realistic and level-headed when also hormonal is difficult. I can tell myself to be patient -- that I just had a 9 lb. 7 oz. baby, for goodness sakes -- but somedays, it doesn't help. I know what makes sense (that it took nine months to gain the weight and it will take at least that long to get it off), but my mind and common sense aren't always in harmony.
...how much I love NOT being pregnant. I love cuddling my baby on the outside of my body versus spending face time with my toilet. I know there are women out there who love being pregnant. Though I try very hard to believe them (and not to dislike them just a little when they tell me this), I am not one of them. I do not love pregnancy, but I love what it gets me!
...how hard it is to find balance -- especially with three kids who all seem to want a piece of me (sometime literally, sometimes figuratively) at the same time. Then, there's my husband and the need for us to take care of us. As much as I long to cherish and appreciate this sliver of time, it's probably a good thing life will eventually find its rhythm again. One of my favorite
bloggers calls life "brutiful" -- beautiful and brutal. Amen.
...how God's fingerprints are all over a baby. As my friend admired, held, and cooed at Levi she called him, "Fresh from God." I love that -- he is fresh from God, a little miracle, a reminder that God makes
beautiful things out of our imperfection.
I love reading your blog. Unfortunately, I am not one of the cousins that lives nearby & you've had a lot of contact with. I am grateful to Facebook for allowing me to keep up with family...on both sides! I think it's been even harder since my dad passed; being with the family seems to make me miss him more. Also, I sort of feel like an outsider because we've lived further away from the rest of you & seeing family only once a year (if that) makes it difficult to feel connected. I regret my kids aren't more connected to the family. Tyler especially, he doesn't know any of them. So, my purpose for posting this message, thank you for keeping me "in the family loop" so to speak through your blog and through pictures or the family! I love you guys...you have a beautiful family. (You look SO much like my daughter Kristen! You two could be sisters.) Enjoy those boys!
ReplyDeleteDana
ReplyDeleteI love reading your blog. no wonder u are an English teacher, you have a way with words...what a gift..makes me want to go back to that time with my boys.thank you
Thanks Susan and Sheila. I do love to write and hope when others read it they can see themselves in it too. Your comments mean a lot to me!
ReplyDeleteD,
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy that you keep writing despite your hectic life. I will always love reading your words.
Thanks for helping keep me connected from afar.
Julie